Prank Wars: The Matteney Edition
by SimplyMatteney
Summary: Rated Mature for questionable actions that result from inappropriate prank wars. That means no kiddie eyes! I may or may not be completely mortified for actually penning this one. Let me know what you think! This is solely based on CC, Matthew and their sexual tension.


"MATTHEW!"

Hearing the shrill scream from across trailers, that was mostly anger with just a hint of competition, Matthew Perry smiled to himself in satisfaction. This little prank war Courteney had started against him wasn't going to last very long with the tricks he had up his sleeve.

He was prepared for her water bucketing, easily dodged the silly string cans, and laughed at her failed attempts to scare him with rubber spiders.

She wasn't going to win this one. Waltzing out of his trailer, chest puffed in self-pride, he didn't even have to knock on her door, for standing outside her trailer, his petite co-star was staring at the roof.

The place he had relocated all of her furniture and personal belongings.

"Oh, You think this is funny, Perry?"

"Oh, I think it's incredibly funny," he chuckled back, crossing his arms across his chest, admiring his handy work.

Balling her fists in frustration, Courteney turned to face her co-star. Although she loved Matthew to death, and was sure there was something else going on between them besides just friendship, she wanted to smack him in the face in that current moment.

Instead, she opted for a vengeful threat.

Lowering her voice an octave, she stood on her toes, propping herself so that their noses were almost touching.

"You'll pay for this one, Matthew Langford Perry."

"Is that so?" he quipped back, closing the distance even more, trying to intimidate her in the most friendly of ways. "Is that a threat, Ms. Cox?"

But she stood her ground.

"No, Matthew, that's a promise," she whispered, staring him down for a few moments, the intensity with which she did piercing right through those blue eyes.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a trailer to redecorate."

She backed down, firmly spun on her toes, and headed towards the prop department, hoping to find a ladder.

"Let me at least help you get it all back down," he offered, jogging down the lane after her.

"No, I've got it. No help needed from the enemy." She offered him a sarcastic smile and made off on her merry way.

He watched her saunter off around the corner, taking particular notice of the way she shook her ass at him, almost like she knew he was watching and trying to give him a show. He chuckled at the thought, and then set out to find the ladder he had stowed away in the alley behind their trailers.

She truthfully didn't know how she was going to get him back. Her pranking up to this point had been mediocre, earning her failures on every attempt. She knew she had to up her game, but how?

She could always enlist in the help of the other boys on set, surely they would know how to out prank the master prankster.

As she entered the production room, a few of the sound guys still hanging around on their lunch break, the light bulb above her head flashed with inspiration.

"Hey Tom, hey Mark," she said with a warm smile.

"Hey Courteney," they both replied.

"Anything we can do for you?" offered the latter.

"Actually, there is," she responded.

"Do you guys happen to know where I could get a ladder, by any chance?"

"What did you need done? We can do it for you."

"Oh, I don't wanna trouble you," she said, waving her arms in protest. "Matthew and I are kind of in the middle of this prank war and he kind of, um, moved all my trailer furniture onto the roof of my trailer," she admitted, a bit embarrassed by their antics.

The men shared a chuckle before getting up from where they were sitting.

"Don't worry about it Court, we'll have your stuff back to normal in no time."

She smiled in thanks as the men found a ladder and made their way off towards the trailer lot, waited a second to make sure they were around the corner, and dove at her chance.

Rummaging through Mark's bag, she found exactly what she was looking for: his pill box.

She had remembered overhearing him speaking with some of the other crew members about his "bathroom problem" and how his doctor had put him on medication that he refused to take and was flushing daily, making his wife think he was minding the doctor's orders; he surely wouldn't mind if one dose was missing.

And since Matthew was going to be in tight pants for the next 9 hour shoot of their "throw back" episode, there was absolutely no way he would ever pull another prank on her ever again.

Laxatives.

She had him

—

The next morning around 10, Courteney walked to Matthew's trailer with a new hop in her step and a fresh new outlook on life. She couldn't wait to get him back for the countless nights of shaving cream in her hair and replacing her clothes with garbage bags when she went to shower.

This ended today.

Clutching two ice cream cones, she reached into her pocket and pulled out the pill. It struck her as odd that a laxative would have a blue tint, but she paid no mind to it, embedding it into the chocolate ice cream before walking up the steps to his trailer and knocking on the door.

He was already dressed in full Chandler garb for the day, right down to the tight, leather pants.

There was no way he was getting out of this outfit easily.

Perfect.

He smiled cautiously at her.

"Well hello, my dear. What brings you here on this fine morning?"

"There was ice cream in the snack tent and I figured I'd bring you some before you have to go off to set since you have to miss lunch," she offered sweetly, licking her cone while simultaneously thrusting the other in his direction.

Completely misjudging her motives, he took the offer, and, as she had expected (and how he always ate his ice cream cones) bit off the top half of the scoop, swishing it around in his mouth before swallowing.

She giggled, the gluttonous bite giving him a chocolate goatee effect.

"Here, let me help you with that," she giggled, using her thumb to get the ice cream remnants off of his cheek.

"You wanna come in? I've got about an hour and a half before I've gotta be on set and there's nothing on tv," he asked her genuinely.

"I've actually gotta go get ready for wardrobe, but I'll be over in about a half hour or so. Deal?"

"Sounds good," he replied, shooting her a grin.

She internally chuckled to herself as she walked back to her trailer. As much as she would absolutely love to witness him struggling with his rock star pants as the drug overtook his bowels, she would admire her handy work from afar.

She returned to her trailer, fuddling around with odds and ends as she awaited the phone call (if he could even make one) that was sure to come within the hour.

As she sank into her couch, flipping carelessly through a magazine, the buzzing in her pocket made her grin like a Cheshire cat.

"Yes?" she answered in a sing song voice, knowing by the goofy contact picture what sorry, blue-eyed boy was on the other end of the call.

"You need to come over here. Right. Now."

"And why is that?" she replied, noting the immense frustration in his voice while she tried to suppress her giggles.

"I need your help with a… a situation. And considering I'm pretty sure it was your special ice cream treat that caused it, you get to fix it."

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about," she giggled, the tension in his voice mounting with each lapsed breath.

"Courteney. Bass. Cox," he breathed huskily into the phone.

"Get. Your tiny little ass. Over here. Now."

The tone in his voice was one she had never heard before. If she hadn't known he was currently trying to bust out of his pants due to intestinal crampage, it might have turned her on.

"Be there in a second," she replied, equally as sultrily as his voice had just come across to her.

She tried to prepare herself mentally for the mess she was about to witness, but as he yanked her inside his trailer, there was absolutely no way she would have ever been able to mentally prepare herself.

Oh, she had created a situation in his pants alright.

But the little blue tint in the pill hadn't done what she had expected it to do.

Seeing the compromised waistband of his tight, leather pants, she immediately realized she had taken the wrong pill.

And Matthew had the growing erection to prove it.

She didn't know whether she should laugh, cry, turn red, apologize, or fall on the floor dead.

A slightly altered combination of the above resulted, as she crumbled to his couch in an outburst of laughter.

"You think this is funny?!" he echoed her from the previous day's events.

"Oh, Matty. This is better than funny," she said between laughs, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I thought it was a laxative, but this. This is a thousand times better than that!"

She continued laughing while Matthew paced the trailer, not even bothering to cover his ever growing problem.

"Court, I have to go to the set in like, forty five minutes, what the hell do you expect me to do about this?!"

"You could always call up Jill," she suggested, her words still chopped up by her unending laughter.

"W-who the hell is Jill?"

She put her hand up in the air, showing him how the five fingers formed the letters J-I-L-L, and then motioned for him to relieve himself, giggling as she did so.

As he continued to curse the level she had gone to in their childish prank war, she got an idea.

She could completely up her game here.

Composing herself, she stood up, wiped the tears from her eyes, and took a step towards him, placing one hand softly on his cheek, the other barely resting on the waistband of his pants.

"Or," she whispered. "I could help you out."

Staring intently into his eyes, she internally fist pumped, seeing the look on his face go from pissed off adult to hormonal teenager in a matter of seconds.

He gulped, inadvertently bucking at her touch, closing his eyes as her hand came into closer contact with the bulge in his pants.

"Y-you don't have, you don't have to do that," he stammered, trying his hardest to detract from her gaze, but failing as the hand on his cheek pulled his gaze back down to hers, entrapping him in those crystal blue eyes.

"Of course I do. How could I leave you here with such a big mess on your hands?" she asked, her voice almost able to solve said problem by itself.

She slowly walked him to his couch, following him down as his knees buckled on contact with the sofa's edge.

She took a seat, straddling his lap, securing her arms at the back of his neck, toying with the hair at the base. Almost as if instinctively, he rested his hands on her hips, rubbing up and down her thighs as she settled herself.

"Now, Matty," she began, inherently giggling as he closed his eyes, his tongue outlining his lips in frustration to be doing the same thing to hers.

"How exactly do you suggest we fix this little….problem…that you've gotten yourself into?"

As she said the word "problem" his hips bucked up against her in pattern with the moan that formed in his throat. It took all her strength not to give in to him, but if she was going to win this, she had to keep her cool.

"We should probably start with getting you out of these pants, right?" she whispered.

All he could do in response was nod, watching as she lifted herself off of his lap and onto her knees, undoing his shoes before she could get to his belt.

Internally taking deeper and deeper breaths, she glanced up at him before moving on to his belt, the glaze in her eyes matching that of his, as she toyed with the buckle, running her fingers along his waistline softly before discarding his pants altogether, leaving him in a tented pair of boxer shorts.

Her only thought, other than how much she would love to call the prank war a truce and actually help him solve the dilemma she had created, was, "Impressive."

"Thanks," he giggled.

Oops.

She had thought out loud again, hadn't she?

Don't lose it now, you're in charge here! she mentally scolded herself.

"Of course," she replied, dropping her voice down an octave, "you have me to thank for that."

And as she mentally high fived herself, she boldly went where she never thought she would before.

Without going on a few dates with him first, anyhow.

Starting at the waistband of his boxers, she ran her hand, light as a feather, a slowly torturing pace, down his entire member.

If his breathing hadn't been rapid before, it sure as hell was now.

Convincing herself she hadn't dreamed it, she grinned when she heard him moan her name ever so softly, peeking up for just a second to see his head hung back on the back of the couch, his arms gripping the cloth at his sides, his eyes shut tight.

She stood up again, reclaiming her rightful place on top of his…err…throne, the now lack of fabric really making it hard for her not to discard her own at that moment. She ran her hands down the front of his cotton t-shirt, watching him as the passion in his eyes drowned out any other emotion in his body.

Except for one.

There was this inkling, almost a sparkle in his eye, that she caught, that wasn't completely lust-driven. There was genuine want to be with her.

She could see it in his eyes.

And she could feel it.

She placed her hands on either of his shoulders and brought her lips to the base of his ear, gently nibbling for a second before she spoke again.

"Matty," she whispered, the sound barely audible even to him. As he moaned in response, bringing his hands to rest on the small of her back so he could pull her in closer, she breathed her next question:

"What do you want?"

"You." He breathed in response. It was something completely unexpected, but still so wanted from her deepest desire that she had absolutely no control of her next action.

She brought herself to face him once again, seeing that same look of longing in his eyes that was now seeming to take over. Without warning, he lunged his face into hers, completely encasing her mouth with his, devouring every inch of her that he could within that small frame of time.

The power of that kiss stole the wind from her pipes, stirred up emotions she had never felt before.

She gripped onto his neck a bit tighter, pulling him closer as he pulled her bottom lip between his, sucking lightly, earning a moan from her.

She wrapped her legs tighter around his body, or as tight as she could while they were still constrained to a couch, feeling the effects of that little blue pill through her jeans.

The sudden realization of the fabric barrier created more frustration within the both of them.

He traced his tongue along the line of her lips, begging her for entrance, needing to taste her.

She easily complied, eliciting moans from both of them as he attempted to devour her whole.

His tongue explored her, something brand new and yet so familiar, needing to taste every inch of her.

He removed his lips from hers, bringing them instead to rest at the pulse point at her collarbone; the noise she made as he sucked at the tender flesh there euphoric in sound. He bucked up into her lap, needing to feel her.

She clutched to his shirt, needing to feel more closure.

He pulled her face down to his again, wrapping her in the most passionate, open-mouthed kiss she had ever experienced. The way his lips traced along her own had her clutching to his chest for support, nothing else able to keep her upright in that moment.

As he pulled away, needing to look her in the eyes, she suddenly realized what she was doing.

Or rather, what she wasn't doing.

Smiling coyly, she placed one more tender kiss on his lips, lingering in the passion of the moment before descending his body. She left a trail of wet kisses through his t-shirt down his chest, his stomach, and finally on the line of his boxers.

Tracing small circles at the top of his thighs, she inhaled sharply before looking up to meet his gaze one more time.

"Matty?" she whispered, the satisfaction of seeing him in this moment her own form of pleasure.

"Mhm?" he barely made out, his hand resting on her cheek, mimicking the motions she was making to his own soft flesh.

"I win this round."

Standing up, she suppressed a giggle as his face contorted from one of immense passion to one of utter confusion.

Before he was able to mutter a, "Huh?" she saw herself out the trailer door, knowing there was no way in hell he would be able to follow her in his current situation.

She sank into the couch of her own trailer feeling sadly empty, her feelings for him never before this strong. Of course, she could have put the entire prank war behind them, but at the same time, she thought this would make things more interesting. If he was genuinely interested, he would come back. She figured it was worth a shot.

Ten minutes later, her phone buzzed with a new text message. Cautiously, she read over it, her heart beat racing faster as her eyes scanned the presumptuous text.

Text from Matty: I guess you'd rather have me be in a relationship with Jill then, huh? How about you let me take you out on a real date and I'll decide who the better woman is. PS: This isn't over…. ;)


End file.
